Posts tagged anxiety
Little Miss Meli - What I've Learned From Dogs

I’ve been wanting my own dog since I was probably 4 or 5. Specifically, I wanted a chihuahua. I think to my little child brain, a chihuahua was the perfect size to be my little furry shadow. I ended up getting a kitten when I was 8, and that launched many, many years of loyal cat fandom and ownership. There was Hallie, Dexter, Frankie, Meko, and then Boomer (RIP my darlings). My siblings took care of their cats, Cocoa and Velvet. Michael also had a not-so-furry bearded dragon named Spike. The Fritz family adopted a loving if overzealous black lab named Pepper. We had a house appropriately full of little humans and creatures, and I loved it. The feeling of caring for something gave me so much meaning back then. When I left Boomer behind with my parents when I went to college (something they never let me forget), I felt a yearning for his snuggles and purrs and leg rubs. But this was what you did when you went to college. You left them behind and went on to the next chapter of your life. If you were lucky, you were able to bring your pets with you. I wasn’t.

Read More
The Evolution of The Greenest Blue

There is a new academic year upon us, tests looming on the horizon, nerves getting frayed about deadlines and due dates once again. I’m sitting here on the brink of my second year of my PhD, pondering the role of this blog in my life. I started it only four years ago, although writing and art and critical thinking about life’s mysteries have all been a part of my life for much longer. But as my societally-applied job roles change and my goals shift, I’m left trying to figure out how to weave together these different threads that are all so important to me…to maintain my sense of self in a cohesive fashion, while staying open to growth.

Read More
The Mental Repercussions of my First Year of Grad School

I want to present this post as a raw, unfiltered reflection on my first year of graduate study. Every time I try to talk to people about the year and why I think it’s been so hard on me mentally, I find myself tripping over my words and trying to explain everything in a socially appropriate, let-me-make-it-easy-for-you-to-understand manner. But the transition I’ve taken into graduate school represents so much more than just a “next step in my career.” And this is where I think a lot of my anxiety and overthinking has stemmed from.

Read More
Reflections on Quarter 2 of Grad School

So, long story short, the quarter finished. I still feel so unprepared for what I need to do for my own research. The questions I’m asking, the experimental design, data collection methods, confidence…I imagine it will come together with time, and I fondly remember what my friend Oliver told me once about being in research/grad school: “None of us know what’s going on, we’re all just making it up as we go.” I guess, in a way, that’s sort of what science is. I’m not out here trying to be the best at what I do. I’m out here trying to be the best version of myself, and learn some things along the way while hopefully advancing our knowledge of the planet and our relationship with it.

Read More
No Matter Where You're At in Life, This is What Every Single One of Us Needs

Something somewhat poisonous has been brewing in my psyche over the last twelve years, and it wasn’t until this last month that I finally gained some more comprehensive clarity as to what that might be. I had some help, as I often do, from a book and an author who speaks her truth so vividly, curiously, creatively, and with such an awareness that I couldn’t help but stop and pause. And her words brought forth the beginning of a period of processing where I was able to look back and identify certain trends in my feelings over the last decade. There was an underlying commonality to much of the discomfort I’ve been experiencing.

What has manifested as uncertainty…self-inflicted pressure and unrealistic standards…negative self-talk…crippling indecision…commitment-phobia…insecurity…selfishness…anxiety…was a concrete problem that I believe many of us are facing. The symptoms may vary greatly depending on the individual. But the signs are all over our disjointed society. Loneliness.

Read More
Managing Your Media Diet: Taking Conscious Control of the Energy You’re Absorbing

I can’t imagine a more timely occasion to write a post on the importance of managing our “media diet,” a concept I was introduced to by the beautiful and talented Cleo Wade. Cleo is a writer and community builder who shares poetry, artwork, and prose to motivate and inspire others to create change through a strong commitment, both individually and collectively, to self-care and social justice. New York magazine calls her the “millenial Oprah,” and after reading her most recent collection Where to Begin (about the ideas, mantras, and poems Cleo says she turns to “when I feel like I am losing it”), I kind of have to agree. me more “me” time, and also a lesson in compassion, because we’re not doing this only for ourselves. The young and healthy have a responsibility to stop the spread of the virus by being mindful of their actions, so that we don’t spread it to those that are immunocompromised. This is a lesson in solidarity and compassion.

Read More
Self-Care for Self-Quarantine: 10 Meaningful Ways to Spend Your Time During the COVID-19 Crisis

These quarantines (whether mandatory or recommended) mean we are in a forced retreat! HOW COOL IS THAT? We’re being ASKED to stay home and take care of ourselves. In a society that’s usually asking us to “DO DO DO” and “GIVE GIVE GIVE” and “BUY BUY BUY,” we’re being asked to reduce our social interactions, work from home, and keep ourselves healthy. Some more “me” time, and also a lesson in compassion, because we’re not doing this only for ourselves. The young and healthy have a responsibility to stop the spread of the virus by being mindful of their actions, so that we don’t spread it to those that are immunocompromised. This is a lesson in solidarity and compassion.

Read More